HOW TO RAISE A GIRL IN A HYPER-AESTHETIC WORLD

“The obsession with appearance makes me so angry,” I heard a school dad say recently, during a conversation about daughters. And I remember thinking… what is the point in being angry? This is the world they’re growing up in. Of course we want our kids to feel free to express themselves. Supported. Confident. Grounded in the idea that beauty comes from within. But it’s hard to imprint that when so much of popular culture is driven by appearance.

"Marnie" Painted by my dad, the artist, Paul Bennett

It’s not easy being the parent of a tween in 2026. Look, it wasn’t easy in 1981 either, I know, I know. But 2026 is… wild. In the ‘80 and '90s, we didn’t have social media. We were daggy and we didn’t know it and we didn’t care because there was no one to tell us otherwise.

We straightened our hair on ironing boards, lined our lips with brown liner, filled them in with frosted lipstick (hi, Rimmel Coffee Shimmer), and thought we were the absolute shit. But our audience was small. Now, there’s real validation out there. Real criticism. Real-time feedback and comparison and let me tell you: the tweens are savage.

Meanwhile, 12-year-olds are normalising 10-step skincare routines. Plucking their eyebrows. Worrying about shaving. Wondering whether their eyelashes are long enough. They’re absorbing TikTok trends even when they are absolutely, definitely, 100% (apparently) not allowed on TikTok. Hmm.

Here are a few I’ve heard lately:

“Washing your face with dandruff shampoo is really good for acne.” OK.

“Tan lines are cool.” They’re really not.

“Beef tallow as moisturiser.” Just use... moisturiser!

And guess what else? Low-rise jeans are apparently in for the first time ever! But my muffin top still has PTSD from the last time. Get fucked!

(Also, while i'm having a moment, why are influencers applying serum directly from the dropper onto to their skin? I cannot bear the look or feel of it. Put it in your hands first. What are you doing? It is dripping down your face! Who started this and why did everyone copy it? I do not like it! AT ALL).

Meanwhile, nothing makes me feel more like an ancient potato than being asked to do a TikTok dance. (Even though she is not allowed on TikTok. OK!)

“It’s the latest one, Mum, come on, it will be fun.”

She makes it look effortless.

I make it look… complicatedly painful. Like an uncoordinated giraffe who doesn’t know how limbs work, with a double-chin and a rapidly fading will to live.

She watches me with a kind of gentle pity as I fumble along two counts behind her, while she executes the moves with surgical precision. I wish I could do a TikTok. They make it look so cool. Even though I also think it is, objectively, so, so stupid.

The kids know too much now. They're too sophisticated and too cool for school. They move through the world like tiny content creators, absorbing everything into the vortex of their glossy little melon heads, slicked back within an inch of their lives into perfectly groomed ponytails.

It's giving perfect slick-back and eyelash technician

And this is where the tension sits.

I love beauty. I’ve built a career on it. I understand the joy of it, the creativity, the confidence it can bring. My daughter has grown up surrounded by products, launches, press deliveries and conversations about skin and makeup. I don’t believe beauty is frivolous or shallow. It has the power to transform how we look and feel. And yet, isn’t that my point?

There are so many moments where I want to grab her little face (which I do) and say:

You are already beautiful.

You don’t need better eyebrows. Or longer lashes. Or blusher, bronzer, highlighter, lip oils, milky toners, serums, face masks, undereye masks and creams to the power of infinity. (But you do definitely need an SPF every day! And a good cleanser and gentle moisturiser lol)

You are already enough!

“Sure, Mum,” she says.

And then she emerges five minutes later wearing false underlash extensions applied with the precision of a professional lash technician.

I am equal parts horrified and impressed.

Because I remember what it felt like to be 11 or 12. Wanting to fit in (I didn’t). Wanting to feel pretty (also no). And let’s be honest, Coffee Shimmer was not helping. (At some point I defected to Rimmel’s Heather Shimmer which was more of a mauve frosting. Completely of its time, but it did not age well.)

The difference is, she has access to the likes of Rhode, Hourglass and By Terry. Not to mention an arsenal of innovative K-Beauty. It’s a whole different playing field. So I find myself walking this infuriating tightrope.

Wanting her to love her natural self, while knowing that skincare and makeup genuinely bring her enjoyment. Letting her play and experiment. Trying and so often failing to gently dial it back. Like:

“No, you cannot wear my press-on nails.”

Followed, minutes later, after intense argument with::

“Fine! The glue is in the cupboard, FFS! Don’t ask me again!" And then in a fury at myself because I lost again: "Yes they look great. Don't you DARE tap on everything!"

Are false nails on a weekend really so bad? I lost the no-mascara fight months ago, and yes, I am somewhat of a pushover as an exhausted sole-parent. But why do I feel instantly triggered by talk of nail extensions, “peek-a-boo” hair dye (URGHHH absolutely not), or so many of the other appearance-related ideas she has for herself?

I know it’s because I want to say: slow down. There is a whole life ahead of you to feel like you need to improve yourself.

I’m trying to help her build a sense of self that isn’t entirely dependent on what she sees reflected back in the mirror, or by all the beauty products we have access to.

I know the answer isn’t banning it, or pretending it doesn’t exist, because it’s my job and we both love it. It’s fun talking to her about skincare and what brands her friends are currently raving about, and trying to educate her about what ingredients are and aren’t appropriate for such a cute and youthful, collagen-rich face.

Getting angry is futile. Here we are at the W Cosmetics launch.

I know getting angry is futile. The most important thing is starting the conversation, and staying there, even when it feels uncomfortable. Because raising a girl in a hyper-aesthetic world isn't about rejecting beauty. It's about making sure she doesnt think beauty is the most interesting thing about her. It's about helping her understand that skincare, makeup, hair, fashion and all the rest can be fun. Creative. Expressive.

But they're not her value. She's already enough.

I just hope she believes it before the algorithm convinces her otherwise.