ESSENTIAL CHORE: FACEWASHING

Do you ever wish you could just go to bed without washing your face?

Yes, I know it’s one of those things dermatologists say you must always do, or else terrible things will happen. If you don’t wash your face, your face dry out like a puddle in the sun. It will book itself on the next flight to Mykonos and live a better life, away from you. Don’t want to wash your face? Then don’t have a face. 

I must confess: Sometimes I feel too tired. Sometimes the idea of the water running into my sleeves and up to my elbows is more than I can bear after a day of working and wrangling and being the adult I have no choice but to be. Sometimes, I would rather have a shower at midnight, a full admin-shower with razors, shower gels, exfoliating mitts, body serums and oils, than endure the chore of face-washing at the sink. 

Sorry, can't wash my face. Too busy pretend-snoozing.

Sometimes, if I’m already sitting in bed, doomscrolling until my brain cells float away, the thought of having to get up and squeeze product, and apply it and emulsify, and rinse, and apply skincare is enough to make me retreat, like a sleepy turtle, into my doona.

I gently put my phone down and slowly close my eyes and enact to myself that the reason I’m not washing my face is because I actually just accidentally fell asleep, nothing to see here, Officer! Just a tired woman who fell asleep while doomscrolling, even though I am just pretending to be asleep because I am too tired to wash my face, and the only person I am cheating is… my face. 

In the morning, future me bitterly regrets my decision to lie to myself. Because my face feels dry. It does not feel clean. It is disappointed and angry. I have traces of yesterday’s makeup on my skin, yesterday’s memories are clogging my pores, and my facecloth shakes its head with shame and despair. 

“Really should have made more effort,” say the traces of Merit The Uniform Tinted Mineral Sunscreen SPF 45, now staining the white fibres of my Lonvitalite Microfiber Cleansing Assistant (lol). Merit is my current base of choice (lightweight, hydrating, barely-there feel with a satisfying glow) but on other days this week's it's also been Mavala Serum Foundation (silky and smooth, balancing and radiant, packed with skincaring ingredients) and Revlon Illuminance Skincaring Foundation (for those days when I need the power of squalane and hyaluronic acid to stay hydrated).

On the mornings my face wakes up neglected, I work extra hard to dredge it back to neutral. I am not a monster. I really try to make it up to my face. Forgive me, face!

It’s not just hyaluronic acid, Vitamin C, moisturiser and sunscreen on those days.

It's a hydrating emulsion, layers in between of hydrating mist, then hyaluronic acid, vitamin C, a heavy-lifting moisturiser, a sunscreen, more mist …. And then all the other stuff: concealer, foundation, some bronzer, blusher, eyebrows (always, so insipid otherwise), mascara (hardy ever, can’t be bothered but desperate times etc) lippy without fail. 

Proof that I do, in fact, wash my face. Sometimes.

I genuinely enjoy applying skincare. I have some specific rituals which I will share at some point, that make me feel not like I am in a tiny bathroom with traces of mould in the grout, but in a beautiful day spa with someone who cares. When I can take myself mentally there, time stops. My face says: thank you, for being kind, and not a lazy POS.

Can confirm washing your face is 1000% more enjoyable when Trinny Woodall is giving you a one-on-one cleansing masterclass.

It is good to remind myself of how it feels to be unbothered, cleansed, moisturised and in my lane. But it is also good to remember that there is no light without dark. There is no happiness without sadness. And there is no clean face without a dirty face that pretends to sleep instead of getting it the TLC it deserves. 

Life is extraordinarily tiring. I know we all make it look easy, dragging ourselves through the hamster wheel of life, and we keep doing it day after day, even when the hamster wheel is stuck in wet concrete, or has actually detached from its spokes and rolled over the hamster and OHMYGOD the hamster is dead and now we must plan a funeral. 

No, we are all still here, showing up for our friends and family, and doing our jobs and doing our best to keep the house tidy and the washing done and our children fed and clothed and educated and entertained and the dishwasher packed and unpacked and packed and unpacked and packed and unpacked and packed and unpacked and ———

———I just realised I am malfunctioning as a result of the overwhelm of life and the best thing I can possibly do for myself, right now, at 10:01pm, is put my laptop down, go to the bathroom, and wash my face. There’s always a silver lining. Tomorrow’s face will thank me. 

FYI, these are my current favourite face cleansers, in rotation, depending on my mood, subject to change at any given moment!

For a gentle cleanse with hydration: Aspect Dr Nurturing Cream Cleanser So soft, so creamy, so nourishing, formulated with essential lipids, prebiotics and hydrators. So lovely on the skin you can even use it as a mask, leave it on for two minutes then rinse off. No tight feeling, just happy skin, grateful for the effort you put in.

For easy, luxe, makeup removal: Douglas Pereira Pre Cleanse

It's not cheap but it lasts forever, in a generous pump that delivers the perfect amount of this heavenly, silky oil which melts away makeup and impurities while softening the skin with biomimetic lipids. Use alone or as the first step of a two-step cleanse. I love this so much.

For an exfoliating but silky clean: Trinny London Enzyme Balm Cleanser

I adore the texture of a balm cleanser, which is especially good when you take a minute or two to give yourself a luxurious massage. This one glides over the skin like a dream, formulated with plant oils to nourish, pineapple enzymes to gently exfoliate and prebiotics to feed your microbiome. I have loved this since I first discovered it, and my love was only compounded by the joy of meeting Trinny Woodall in person. She is as brilliant, warm and as much a powerhouse as you would expect, and her products deliver.

For a smoothing cleanse with glow: Pure Fiji Vitamin C Foaming Oil Cleanser

Another oil cleanser that does a sterling job. It feels good, smells good, gives a satisfying lather, with antioxidants including Vitamin C to balance skin tone and unclog pores. It's an easy, every day cleanse that always leaves my face feeling soft, smooth and hydrated - and it really does it all: deep cleans, gently exfoliates, hydrates, smooths, nourishes, regulates oil... it's elite.

For sweet scents and smooth skin: Fenty Skin Cherry Dub Pore Purify'r Gel Cleanser

It was the subtle cherry scent that sucked me in, but it's the non-drying gel texture that keeps me coming back. I so often expect gels cleansers to leave my skin feeling tight, but this does not do that. It's been keeping my occasional outbreaks in check, refines pores and smooths texture. It contains Barbados cherry, niacinamide and aloe vera to soothe. I didn't expect to love this this as much as I do, but I DO.